It’s loading time. I am sitting on my bed jotting down this thought.
I have slightly been unenthusiastic about this trip (so unlike me!) due to the fact that I’m going to miss my friends….like what the hell?! I’m leaving for freaking Florida!!! That’s my east coast getaway, baby! And I’m sitting here thinking about how I fear that I will miss out on something that I haven’t already done with my friends.
I cannot believe this fomo is real right now or really just in my head.
I’ve had this new group of friends since about early March 2017. It wouldn’t be so bad if Kathy wasn’t freaking in it.
You see I am the kind of earthling that is skilled in the art of inclusion and it does bite me in my ass. Kathy is my love/dislike best friend but somehow we can’t get away from each other. In late March, Kathy’s boyfriend broke up with her and I just had to drop everything to make sure she was okay and didn’t feel all alone. I invited her to the Wednesday Margarita night and everyone hit it off big time. So ever since then, she’s been part of MY circle. I have to have friends outside of my friends.
Maybe getting away from everyone will be actually nice and I know it’ll be totally refreshing! I wonder if any of them think this much about me as I do them!? I only have fomo so bad right now because I don’t want to feel “replaced” by Kathy or that Kathy makes all the newest memories with them. I am the one that usually ends up hurt in these situations but that could be because I expect so much from my friends and I have such high standards for the way I live my life!
I also had this fleeting thought: Why do I care about it? What does it matter if I miss out on silly margarita night with them? I’m going o Florida…so long suckers!
I also wonder if they’ll even think of me when I’m gone? Will they include me the way that I include them and make them feel important?
When Tom and I broke up, I called Kathy first but quickly had to go because Raul (who is holding the cake with me in my photo) showed up. So I texted Kathy and told her that Tom and I broke up. All she asked was “and how do you feel?” No phone calls. I replied to her and got no reply until the next day. No asking me if I was okay or if I needed anything. No dropping everything to see if I wanted to spend time with her.
Can you sense some saltiness? Or is that just the ocean calling?
God. I love the ocean. It’s mystical.
Universe and Spirit Guide, I seek to have all of my doubts, worries and fears to be swept away like all the precious sea shells that I can’t ever capture fast enough due to the heavy waves that washes them away.
Thank you.
Sincere Sydni 